Dog Delicacies from Santa

Santa treated Max very well. The small white dog’s treat closet is now stuffed full of exotic goodies.

We’re talking New Zealand deer lung, Hawaii pork jerky, organic beef jerky by that great hunter Trader Joe, grilled duck products and lots of poi cookies.

All this for a creature that supposedly descended from fierce wolves that hunted dangerous, gigantic prey and tore their dinner from the heaving beasts’ throats. OK, that was getting a bit too graphic but, really, when did dogs start eating such delicacies as New Zealand deer lung, which by the way, Max absolutely adores?

Just some of the dog delicacies that Max received as Christmas presents. Whatever happened to kibble and a bone?

Just some of the dog delicacies that Max received as Christmas presents. Whatever happened to kibble and a bone?

What a haul, and this doesn’t include all the squeak toys, poo bags and other goodies that showed up at his house this Christmas.

Meanwhile, I had what you might call a typical husband moment this Christmas when I realized at the last minute that I had forgotten to wrap one of my gifts for the Alpha Japanese Female (AJF).

I knew she was going to run to the corner store so I waited for that chance to do the wrapping. I knew I only had a couple of minutes. As soon as she left I jumped up and ran to the closet where we keep the wrapping papers and grabbed the bright red paper, a pre-made bow and some tape.

Some quick cuts, a deft wrist maneuver and – viola! – a lovely Christmas present ready for under the tree. Except for one minor detail. I had grabbed Happy Birthday wrapping paper by mistake.

Time was running out, the AJF was on the homebound leg. Too late to rip off the paper and start anew. What to do? How to salvage this incident not just for me but for husbands – nay, all males – everywhere.

And then…Eureka! I had the solution.

Later, I proudly gave the AJF her gift. She admired the wrapped present and, as I had hoped, started to giggle when she realized I had used the wrong paper but after every incidence where the paper said “Happy Birthday”, I had hand-written in felt marker, “Jesus”.

She gave me the gimlet eye but admitted, “Nice save.”

In hockey they call it a "stick save", crude but effective.

In hockey they call it a “stick save”, crude but effective.

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13 Responses to Dog Delicacies from Santa

  1. A brilliant life saving device, that!

    Max’s treat cupboard (almost) makes me ashamed of our lot’s regular offerings of spleen in all its varieties…cooked or not.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Knowing how you get when faced with the idiocy of government be it in Costa Rica, France, UK or Spain I imagine there was enough spleen vented to keep the pack in snacks for a long, long time. And that’s before you set in on The Neighbour.

      Like

  2. loisajay says:

    ha! Nice save, indeed! You guys crack me up with your wrapping skills. Happy that little Max received such a good haul. Seriously? Deer lung?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know, it sounds disgusting and does not look much better. And guess what, they call these things “Puffs” which somehow makes it worse. Yechhh…but then again, dogs will eat anything so I’m not surprised.

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  3. Kaci says:

    She could have countered it with “Who’s this Jesus woman you’ve been running around with?”.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I could see she was struggling with an a appropriate comeback but just couldn’t come up with one that threaded the fine line between sarcasm and blasphemy, at least in English. I suspect in her mind there was some serious abuse being given in Japanese.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Nice save indeed and good news that you weren’t ‘boarded.’ Max must have been quite a good pooch to rate deer lung though you can’t help but wonder whether or not there was some reindeer angst from Rudolph and the gang delivering body parts from a relative.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I had not thought of that angle…Rudolph on the roof top screaming, “The horror! the horror!” as he drops off the Lung Puffs. Santa in the background going “Muwahahahaha….”. That’s really quite Tim Burton-style macabre…I like it.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. kerbey says:

    I can relate; the only Lowe’s gift cards left said Happy Birthday, so I had to write “Jesus” after them as well. Jinx!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Lily Lau says:

    I wonder if Santa would also have some hamster delicacies…🙂

    Like

  7. HAHAHAHAAA!!! Smooth. Very smooth. I feel you should get points for effort and for cleverness. It’s supposed to be the thought that counts, right? Half the time “wrapping” for my husband’s gifts consists of a sealed amazon.com box.🙂

    Like

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